In An Attempt At “Fairness” Lottery Changes Rules

Facing harsh criticism from gamblers and hopefuls alike, the two major lotteries in the United States are changing their rules so that more people win.

“More and more,” Alice Rigsdale, spokeswoman for the Powerball Lottery, said, “We are hearing complaints that too few people win in the lottery. People are becoming disillusioned with the odds and they are starting to pull their money out of lotteries. ‘If I can’t win, why bother trying?’ is what we are hearing.”

“Americans want a sense of ownership,” Richard Gardiner commented. “As president of the American’s for Blue Ribbons, it is my job to make sure that everyone in America feels that they have won! Our organization will not rest until everyone gets exactly what they feel they deserve, whether it is winning lottery money or prizes at the county fairgrounds. America was founded on equality and that’s what we are fighting for now.”

Ms. Rigsdale stated that in the next few months people will see changes to the lottery systems. Powerball numbers will come in sets of three and all a person has to do is match one of those for the Powerball to count. Also, there will be three numbers instead of the tradition five. “People will still pick five numbers, but they only need some combination of three to get prizes.

When asked if this will diminish the payouts, Ms. Rigsdale replied, “Of course it would, but we have secured funding from the Federal government to cover the increased cost of the tickets. One set of numbers will now cost ten dollars. To assist those who live minimal means and cannot afford the increase, we will offer an eight dollar grant, if you will, to help them buy their tickets.”

Mr. Gardiner applauded the move by the lotteries. “This is a great day for Americans,” he said. “Now, no matter how rich or poor you are, educated or not, you will have a greater chance to win something from a lottery ticket. Everyone will feel good about themselves. One day, we hope to get it that everyone wins something every time.”

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