New Social Security Cards To Make Drone Attacks Easier

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Washington–Richard Bitterridge, spokesman for the Commissioner of Social Security announced yesterday that the Social Security Administration will be asking for all social security cards to be turned in, for free, and the administration will send out new, digitally enhanced plastic cards. “We’ve listened to the complaints for people and we feel that now is the right time to act,” Bitterridge said at a press conference yesterday. Imbedded within the security measures on the cards will be a microscopic tracking agent. “We still encourage Americans to keep their cards at home,” Bitterridge said, adding, “The new cards, a part of the new ACA, Medicare and Social Security programs enacted by this Administration, will help us better serve the needs of all our citizens.” By tracking where the individual receives medical aid and medications, and utilizes their Medicare or Social Security monies the government can better track those who would try to cheat the system by stealing other people’s identities. “An added bonus,” Bitterridge confided, “Is that the tracking chip can also be used by the military to specifically target individuals in drone attacks. No one is going to want to steal someone else’s identity if just because Eric Holder announced that the Obama Administration has the authority to kill Americans on U.S. soil. Frightening the citizens might just be the best way to save money in the long run.”

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