California Adopts Texting As Its Official Language

texting-cropped

Sacramento–Trying to put to rest any further controversy over what language is the official language in the state, California legislators unanimously agreed to adopt Texting as California’s official language. “With this landmark bill we will be able to forever resolve our language issue here in California,” said state Senator William Brewster (D-37th District). The bill was heralded as a landmark piece of legislation by both Democrats and Republicans. “California has always been at the forefront of progressivism,” John Crackstone (R-11th District) lauded. “English is an ever-evolving language and it is moving into a new realm driven by technology. But we cannot deny our hispanic heritage and our open door to migrants from many nations. However, California has worked through its issues in the past, and we are moving into a brave new world of language.”

When pressed, state legislators also admitted that the move to Texting as the official language would benefit the cash strapped state. “By moving all California’s students to Texting, we can claim three million more ELL students. This would mean billions in federal aid that the state can move into other programs,” Brewster said. Of course, Brewster conceded, that both state Democrats and Republicans have their own desires for the influx of cash.

Mary Martin, a community organizer in Oakland, where, in the late 1990s the Oakland school district found itself wrapped in a firestorm over teaching Ebonics in the classroom, praised the state’s decision. “Anything that gets more money into our neighborhoods is a good thing. Most of our minority students struggle with English, however, they are very adept with texting. Making this our standard language will benefit the state for years to come. Our minority students are always at a disadvantage when it comes to No Child Left Behind. Now, by moving to texting, we level the playing field for our minority students.”

And it isn’t just community organizers and lawmakers who have found common ground. Elizabeth Tilley, spokeswoman for the California Teachers Association, said that the English teachers in the state were overjoyed. “English teachers shouldn’t have to teach grammar rules. There are too many, which number in the hundreds. Whom can remember all those rules?” she said. Teachers were overjoyed that they could spend more time discussing how their students feel about words and emotions.

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One thought on “California Adopts Texting As Its Official Language

  1. To be, or not to be, that is the question:
    Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
    And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
    Than fly to others that we know not of.
    Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
    And thus the Native hue of Resolution
    Is sicklied o’er, with the pale cast of Thought,
    And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
    With this regard their Currents turn awry,
    And lose the name of Action .
    With sincere apologies to William Shakespeare. I don’t even want to think how these @#@%*#
    want to text this.

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