In an unusual turn of events, the Royal Swedish Academy of Science has announced that it has awarded the 2013 Nobel Prize to Ernie Blots of Mason City, Iowa for his recent blog post exploring Universal Equilibrium.
“While there are many theories in the Cosmology and Astrophysics world,” Tord Lindhagen told the Associated Press at the announcement, “Ernie Blots brought together the often misidentified concept of equilibrium to its most basic essence.”
“We were floored,” Dr. Hanlin Ocksar of Harvard University observed. “We’d been searching and exploring the cosmos, physics, astrophysics all for something that a simple man in a small town in Iowa noticed by reading the newspaper. We’ve all spent thousands of hours discussing, philosophizing, researching and lecturing on this concept, and, in the long run, we’ve all struck out.”
When informed of his recent award, Mr. Blots commented: “It seems rather silly. Though I am in interesting company. If the President could get the peace prize for doing nothing, I might as well get it for writing a blog. Besides,” he said in a gruff voice, “We could use the money. The damned drought has hit our farm hard.”
Acknowledging a possible backlash from the science community, Mr. Lindhagen reiterated the sentiment expressed by Mr. Blots. “Our peers at the Norwegian Nobel Committee felt confident in granting President Obama the peace prize before he took office. We feel confident that those in the science community will accept this as ground breaking news also.”
We have posted a portion of Mr. Blots’ blog post below:
Ain’t it funny that the universe looks for things to balance out. Those damn lazy kids spend more time killing monsters on their Nintendo’s than they do paying attention to politics and yet we give these cretins the right to vote. Well, the universe fought back. It always will. That’s just the way it works. I don’t know the science behind it all, and I am not going to say that I even understand equilibrium theories, but I know what I see. These kids who idolize something called a Snookie recently went to the polls in Colorado, probably all them damn Boulder hippies, and in Washington state, and voted for the legalization of marijuana. And then the universe comes in and says that there is supposed to be balance. Wham. Hostess folds. No more munchies. Gone are the Twinkies and Ding Dongs. Universal balance. A cosmic equation that equals zero.