October’s Pumpkin Polls

Morton, Ill.–Frustrated by the seemingly random nature of various mainstream presidential polling, a coalition of independent voters met here today, at the self-proclaimed Pumpkin Capital of the World, to announce a new polling system. The Gord Group gathered at The Pumpkin Farm home of Morton’s annual pumpkin chunkin contest and presented their informal polling system which they feel will be more accurate than any of the current systems in place.

The group’s spokesman, Luke Wearm, announced, “We’ve tired of the obvious bias in the various polls, including Rasmussen, Gallup, NBC/Marist, CNN, and ABC.” Behind him, on large, wooden tables sat pumpkins of differing sizes and colors, intricately carved with images of Barak Obama and Mitt Romney. “When the crowds gather here in a week, we’ll offer the pumpkins to the hand tossers to chuck into the field,” Wearm added. “We’ll see how many we have left and that’ll tell us who the voters prefer.”

When asked if they would be present at other pumpkin contests, Wearm insisted, “We intend to be at each contest throughout the country. We are announcing here, in Morton, with the Libby Pumpkin Plant in the background, but we will be visible at every contest, finishing with the World Championships in Bridgeville, Delaware on November 4th and 5th.”

According to the Gord Group, they are also asking for citizens to carve pumpkins for Halloween using the Obama and Romney templates available on their website, gordgroup.org. They suggest putting the pumpkins in a very visible place and when one is destroyed by neighborhood vandals they have a link available to report the pumpkin damaged.

“We look forward to the World Championships,” Laura Norder, the Gord Group’s assistant director, said. “The day before elections will tell us exactly who the toss-up region of Virginia will vote for. However, we would love to see thousands of people at our booths at every pumpkin chunkin event.”

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